Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
