remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
