tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They are going to name an STD after you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
