Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize