I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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