my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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