the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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