i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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