She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
