And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize