great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
