I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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