You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
how does that bad decision feel?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
