Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
