but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
