his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
