i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
