Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
