I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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