I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
