2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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