I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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