My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
