He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
