I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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