haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
