I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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