So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is it penis luge time yet?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
