At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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