pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
