He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
