I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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