Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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