He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
