He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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