i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
