Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
