Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Randomize
