He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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