Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
