So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize