she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
