some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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