Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
