brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
