mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
