I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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