oh god the rape fog is back!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
