If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
