i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
