I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
