The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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