what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
