3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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