I cockslap morals
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
