Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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