Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
