i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
