i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
