Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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