i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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