i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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