I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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