I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
