I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
